This PID version of "A Christmas Carol" was posted by Semolina Pilchard at PID Miss Him forum:
Fakob Lennon has been dead as a doornail these past 29 years. This story has been needed to be told....
Ebenezer Faul Mc Cartney is aka Scrooge. He's a mean old man now, but there was a time when he took the identity of another man, Paul Mc Cartney. He just came in and took over the identity and has lived these past 4 decades pretending to be someone else.
After a failed marriage, and numerous multitudes have discovered this secret....Ebenezer Faul went home to his lonely mansion and turned in to slumber on a cold Christmas Eve.
The hour was late, the clock struck midnight and Ebenezer Faul was sipping a nightcap, and sitting in his parlor when he heard the sound of chains and a moaning voice. Ebby Faul ( we will refer to him in short from this time forward) looked around and thought he was tripping, saw the faint image of Fakob Fohn Lennon, the man who pretended to be John Lennon, in chains.
Fakob Fohn groaned to Ebby Faul, "Faul, Faul listen to what I share with you....I want to warn you that you must tell the world your real identity or else you will spend eternity in chains, as I am, because I pretended to be someone I was not. I am to tell you that these chains will never be broken for me. But for you, if you come clean, will not have to bear the weight that I carry. This very night you will be visited with 3 spirits.....one at 1 am, the second at 2 am, and the 3rd visitor at 4 am."
Ebby Faul sat befuddled and mumbled, "Oh, I must have suffered from a bit of undigested tofu..perhaps those onions have taken leave of my brain. This is just a delusion."
Ebby Faul fell asleep. But the clock struck 1, and a spirit from the past came to visit Ebby Faul, the spirit looked very much like the real Ringo, who was replaced in 1964...Ebby Faul rubbed his eyes. The spirit didn't speak, but he took Ebby Faul to Liverpool in 1959. There was a very young John, Paul and George playing in a band...Ebby Faul looked as the spirit of Ringo past pointed at the young Paul. The spirit said to Ebby Faul, "This is not you. You were never here. You had no past with these young men. These were the real men who became the Beatles....You must realize that this isn't even your life that you are looking back upon. Who were you and where did you come from? You are living a lie."
In a whirlwind Ebby Faul returned to his den and awaited for the second visitor. When the clock struck 2, another young figure appeared, this time, the spirit looked like the real George....The spirit showed Ebby Faul the multitudes of people on their computers discussing how Paul was replaced as well as other conspiracies. This spirit reminded Ebby Faul, "These people know your secret. Many people know the secret, but not everybody knows. Not everybody would believe what is discussed on the internet. But the time has come, and is overdue, when you tell the world your secret."
The spirit also showed Ebby Faul looking at the images displayed at the museum, showing Ebby Faul's face and telling how this is about Paul Mc Cartney and people telling their children of how much they loved the Beatles. The spirit said, "Ebby Faul, don't you see what you have done? You have altered the course of this band because you claimed the identity of one of it's original members. You have taken his name and spoiled his legacy with your music, your actions and words, and even how you have dressed and lived. You have lived a lie. You must tell the truth."
The next thing Ebby Faul realized was he was back in his den and waiting for his final visitor. Unlike those who have visited before, this one was clothed in a black robe. He showed Ebby Faul his future, being locked in chains and going through space and time in torment because he lived a lie. Voices moaned, but no bodies were seen, "Faul, Faul, change your ways, or you will spend forever paying for this wrong that has been done."
Ebby Faul awoke in his den. He realized the things he did was wrong, and knew what his future would be, so he decided to do something for the world on Christmas Day.
It was breaking news that broke through the airwaves on television, radio and internet, it was worldwide broadcast, a news conference. Ebby Faul spoke to the dozens of microphones that were standing before him and as he braced the podium, he spoke these words, "People of the world, the time has come, and long overdue, that you were told the truth. In 1966 the Beatles stopped touring...it was because Paul Mc Cartney had been murdered. It was not a car wreck and it was not a hoax. He was killed. But the plan wasn't complete and they needed someone to continue in the footsteps of Paul. Well, I am a phoney. I took the image of Paul and became Paul Mc Cartney. These past 43 years was a lie. I was not Paul, but pretended...and I woke up to realize I could no longer live this lie. My life has been a lie and I've lied to everyone about who I was. I recorded songs that were not mine, and sang them as though I had. I performed in concerts for people who were attached to an image of a man that I am not. I cannot live this lie any longer and I have to tell you this. I don't know if you'll forgive me, but I am so terribly sorry for the wrong I've done."
The mike went dead. The press was in shock....and Ebby Faul walked off the platform and into obscurity.......
....Of course this is just a dream....This is NOT real. If this had been real, you would have seen it on ET, E! and all such "entertainment" news, the regular news and all talk shows....
....from the fog of days gone by, the voice of Tiny Tim speaks out.....
"Tip toe thru the tulips....with me......"
Yes, for those who were old enough to remember Rowan and Martin's Laugh in of the 1960's, there was that hideous man, with long stringy hair, who wore a long coat and played the ukelele with that hideous falsetto "Tip toe thru the tulips"....
You certainly wasn't expecting the tiny Tim who had limped with his father...no that's another story...remember???
Have a Harry Isthmus, a Scarey Litmus, a Hairy Gizmos, and of course, a Happy New Ear!
Gary Crimble and many Rudolph!
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Tina Foster is the author of
Email Tina at faulconandsnowjob at hotmail dot com.
